Elizabeth, Scott and Scotty Wilder

June 10th, 2008

In memory of Natalie. Today was her due date.

Chromosomes

Dr Green, our OBGYN, called to give us the results of the last of our blood tests. She started out by telling Elizabeth: "Well, Scott's chromosomes are normal and yours are...(pause of about 5 very LONG seconds) normal, too!".

So this is very good news for us. Although these results have to be analyzed and confirmed by Dr. Katz, a perinatologist, later this week, it appears that Natalie, Elizabeth and I were all healthy during the pregnancy.

Natalie's death was most probably due to an accident, probably related to the umbilical cord (the perinatologist might be able to shed more light on that theory) (The attached picture shows what chromosomes look like)

Natalie -- Home Coming

We finally brought Natalie home today.

Even though her urn is not ready yet, we really wanted her with us.

Many people have asked about what we will do with her.

Since she is our baby, she will stay in our room, in a special little place we have set up for her -- with flowers, words we have written about her and more.

Natalie, welcome home!!!

Love Mommy and Daddy.

910

Elizabeth and I went to the Apollo Crematorium yesterday to help Natalie get to the next place in her journey. They assigned her number 910 --- so they could make sure she gets to our destination. They gave her a bracelet with the number 910. It replaced the bracelet the hospital gave her and it will remain with her forever.

Next stop is the Neptune Society, where we will pick her up this weekend.

Sonnet for Natalie

We rushed to the hospital one late night,
To learn why our child was so very still.
We went because something wasn't right,
And soon with tears our hearts started to fill.

Down the dark and cold corridor we went,
Nurses said they could not find a heart beat.
Returned to heaven from where she'd been sent,
They left us alone so we could hug and weep.

Our baby would be dead before being born.
There would be a birth without any sound.
The two of us were left alone to mourn,
While our little one was heavenly bound.

Natalie will always be our first child.
We will remember her warm little smile.

- s.k.wilder 3/20/08, California

Along the coast

Elizabeth and I talked about this blog and have decided to keep it going. To keep it going for several reasons:

• To honor Natalie
• To make our family blog (which was the original intention)
• It is therapeutic

Needless to say, this has been a difficult time for us. But it has made us realize not only how lucky we are to have each other, but also how fortunate we are to have the friends and family we have. You guys have been incredibly supportive.

One of the biggest surprises for me is how many people have experienced the loss of a baby or a child. Elizabeth and I want to use this blog as one way to let others know that they are not alone when they experience this. When they experience a family loss.

We are now on a retreat in Costanoa. It took my friends and my manager to help me get my priorities straight, and help me focus on my family vs. worrying about work. If anyone knows my Enneagram type (Type 7 or the Dreamer) or my Myers-Briggs type (ENFP), they know that I sometimes don't focus on the moment and really feel what is in front of me.

So, we are just here, down south along the coast of Highway 1, taking walks and reading some incredibly helpful books. One consists of 20 women sharing their experiences about loosing a baby.

Elizabeth and I had so many dreams for Natalie. But we also know that because of this blog, we have documented a whole life -- her whole life. She knows that she was really cared for and she knows that we will always treat her as our first child.